Student Poetry This Project WR245 More Home		Not So Long Ago (A Sestina) Rose Lefebvre Each time my eyes gaze at him I experience fear and anger and worry. Within his eyes I see a chilling darkness in the glazed look of his high. I wonder how and when had he became so lost, so flung off course in life, unable to offer or feel love for anyone. My heart feels deep agonizing pain as he screams “I hate you.” Such words have pained me greatly, instilling such horrendous fear. There’s a longing for him to be as he once was, to feel the joy and love we shared, to be able to see again the laughter in his eyes that is now lost, hidden behind the vacant expression of his induced high. Some evenings I watch him as he sleeps, a sigh softly fleeing my lips as I whisper, praying for his life, his endangered soul, now lost in chaotic moods of drugs and drink. There is fear that one day, maybe soon, I will be called to see his body laid on a cold morgue table, all feeling and thought and life gone. Cleaning up his vomit I feel warm tears trail down my cheeks. As I scrub one word-why- escapes my lips and I pray and hope he will soon see, soon know the intensity of my anxiety, frustration and pain. Many nights my bedroom door has been locked, fearing he might beat or stab or kill me. It seems he is lost to me, to his family. My prayers ask that each day be the last day I will have to endure this chaos, to feel his hateful words thrust into my heart, to continually fear his actions and irritability whenever he returns home high. Reminiscing over old photographs, recalling good days, pain blends with the happiness of memories as I turn the pages and see his laughing eyes, his radiant expression. Who could foresee that this exuberant boy, the lively child viewed here is now a lost soul. I never dreamed this outcome, that he would inflict such pain or show such a lack of remorse or thought for my feelings. These days he does not desire my love, but embraces the high of drugs and drink. Discovery of drugs in his room causes fear. Preferring to see within my mind the loving person he was, to feel that joy once shared before he was lost, before he sought the high of drugs, before he caused my heart pain and brought my life fear. Rose Lefebvre has been writing poetry for over 37 years, only sharing it in the past 3 years. She won the top poetry prize, Best of Show, at the Oregon State Fair in 2003 and 2nd place in 2004. She has also written articles for a small city newspaper. She is a member of Chrysalis: Women writers and also Writers Club, both at Clackamas Community College. To read Rose's classroom poetry, please click the links below.
		Rose's Portfolio poetry can be read here. Previous             Next 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 Copyright © 2005 Rose Lefebvre All rights reserved. Spring Term 2005. Clackamas Community College, Oregon City, Oregon Web design by Doran Web Works.